The Ultimate Superman Fantasy (For Those Who Love Waiting and Paying)

Players will don the cape of the Man of Steel himself—at least, the default version. If you want the classic red-and-blue suit, that’ll be available in the in-game store for a mere 2,500 Krypton Gems (roughly $19.99). Want to fly faster than a speeding bullet? That’s gated behind a premium stamina system, where sprinting and flying drain energy that regenerates in real-time unless you purchase Solar Recharges from the store.

An Evolving World (As Long As You Keep Paying)

WB Games promises a Metropolis that grows over time, with new seasonal events and missions. The first season, titled Dawn of the Daily Planet Paywall, features iconic villains like Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and General Zod—though only Luthor is available at launch. The other two are locked behind an upcoming Villain Raid Pass™, purchasable for $29.99.

Multiplayer will be a core feature, allowing players to team up as different versions of Superman from the multiverse. Want to play as Kingdom Come Superman? That’ll be in the store soon. Black Suit Superman? That’ll be part of the “Elseworlds Loot Crate” system, where you can gamble real money for a 0.05% chance to unlock him.

Community Backlash and WB’s Inevitable Response

Naturally, the internet has reacted with a mixture of outrage, disappointment, and existential dread. “How do you make a Superman game where he needs to buy flight energy?” one fan posted. “Did Lex Luthor develop this game himself?” Another added, “I just want a normal Superman game. Is that too much to ask?”

In response, WB Games has released a statement reassuring players that Superman: Kryptonian Cash Grab is built with “player engagement in mind” and that all items are “earnable in-game”—assuming you have 500 hours to grind. The developers also announced a “special launch bundle” for $99.99 that includes an exclusive “Mildly Frustrated Superman” emote and 10,000 Krypton Gems, just enough to buy one alternate costume.

An insider said WB Games knows the only reason Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League failed fans is because they didn’t have enough ways for people to spend money. They won’t repeat that mistake again and hope all the fans have saved up their hard earned cash.

Coming Soon to a Marketplace Near You

Despite the backlash, WB remains committed to their vision, confident that FOMO (fear of missing out) and “whale” players will keep the game alive. “We believe in bringing fans the best possible Superman experience,” said a spokesperson, “as long as they have a valid credit card.”

Superman: Kryptonian Cash Grab is set to launch next year on all major platforms. And don’t worry, the inevitable Superman Plus Ultra Deluxe Founder’s Edition is already available for pre-order at the low price of $149.99. Pre-order now to receive the exclusive “Clark Kent Glasses” cosmetic—because nothing says premium like paying extra to wear a disguise.

Stay tuned for more updates or don’t.