Universal Pictures has officially closed its doors following the spectacular failure of Wicked: The Live Service Game, a project that somehow cost $4 billion and made even less sense than it sounds.

“We thought the world was ready for a musical MMO,” said ex-Universal CEO, currently moonlighting as a Times Square Elphaba impersonator. “Turns out, no one wanted loot crates filled with show tunes.”

What Even Was This Game?

The idea was to combine musical theater with an online sandbox, letting players live out their Oz-based dreams as Glinda, Elphaba, or generic winged minions. There were broomstick races, PvP spell duels, and fetch quests like “Collect 12 Munchkin Lullabies.”

Unfortunately, the whole thing ran like a community theater dress rehearsal on dial-up. Players were stuck in loading screens while an off-key instrumental of “Defying Gravity” looped endlessly. Some users reported being trapped in the cornfield tutorial zone for hours while the Scarecrow refused to give the next objective.

Monetization Meltdown

The shop was a fever dream. A battle pass promised golden wands and exclusive Glinda emotes, but the best abilities were locked behind paywalls. Players had to shell out real money to unlock the “Defy Gravity” move, which then glitched and launched them into the digital void.

Worse, the “Popular” leaderboard turned out to be completely pay-to-win. High rollers gained access to elite raids and rainbow-tinted bubble shields, while free players farmed flying monkey feathers for cosmetic socks.

Game Over for Universal

The financial fallout was instant. With every studio resource funneled into the live service gamble, other franchises were put on ice. Rumored sequels like Minions: Gru in Space and Fast & Furious 12: Family Kart Racing were quietly canceled.

“We didn’t just bet the farm,” said a marketing rep. “We bet Oz, Kansas, and half of Hollywood.”

Gone But Not Forgotten

The subreddit r/WickedMMO now serves as a digital tombstone, filled with bug clips, refund memes, and players trading war stories from the Emerald City hub.

As Universal Pictures fades into entertainment history, one lesson remains: just because you can turn a Broadway hit into a game, doesn’t mean you should. Especially if the best feature is a glitchy flying monkey doing jazz hands on loop trying to scat.

Stay tuned for more updates or don’t.