“I Still Hate It, But I Also Love It” – A Gamer in Crisis

In a stunning reversal that has sent shockwaves through the anti-woke gaming community, self-proclaimed “Anti-Woke Warrior” Todd Henderson, 34, has announced that despite its allegedly egregious levels of “wokeness,” Assassin’s Creed Shadows is simply too good to ignore.

A Vow to Boycott… Broken?

Henderson, who has spent the past year decrying Ubisoft’s decision to feature a female samurai and a Black ninja in its 16th-century Japan setting, had previously vowed to boycott the game, calling it “another woke dumpster fire.” However, after seeing gameplay footage, he now finds himself in an existential crisis.

“Look, I still think it’s historically inaccurate and all that,” said Henderson while staring at a paused frame of the game’s protagonist, Yasuke, performing a brutal finisher. “But bro… the animations are sick. The combat is insane. The stealth mechanics? Peak AC. I mean, yeah, it’s woke, but it’s also, like… good.”

The Moment of Weakness: Gameplay Changes Everything

His internal struggle first began after a YouTube trailer revealed the game’s fluid katana combat and next-gen parkour system. The moral conflict intensified when early reviews praised its intricate open world, which allows players to alternate between a silent ninja and a powerful samurai in feudal Japan.

“I wanted to stand by my principles,” he admitted, reluctantly scrolling through the deluxe edition’s pre-order bonuses. “But then I saw the way Yasuke blocks arrows with his sword and parries five guys at once… I mean, am I supposed to just NOT play that?”

A Community Divided Over the Betrayal

Online, fellow anti-woke gamers have reacted with a mixture of sympathy and betrayal.

“Bro, you’re falling for the propaganda,” wrote one user in the “Anti-Woke Gamers Unite” forum. “It doesn’t matter if it looks fun. If you play it, you’re supporting the woke agenda.”

Others, however, shared in Henderson’s struggle.

“I wasn’t gonna buy it either, but then I saw the kanabo weapon physics. They got me, bro. They got me,” confessed another.

The Struggle Between Principles and Fun

Despite his newfound acceptance of Assassin’s Creed Shadows, Henderson maintains that he still hates Ubisoft for their “forced diversity agenda” and vows to never support them again… after this one game.

“This is the last time, I swear,” he said, installing the game while muttering about corporations ruining gaming. “I just… need to see how the dual protagonist system works, okay?”

At press time, Henderson was seen customizing his character’s armor, whispering under his breath, “Damn it, this is fire.”