In a casting decision that feels like the result of a fever dream and a dartboard, Nintendo has allegedly tapped late-night legend Conan O’Brien to voice the big banana himself in Donkey Kong Bananza, an upcoming 3D platformer-slash-musical-slash-midlife crisis simulator coming to the Switch 2 (or whatever we’re pretending it’s called now).

A Match Made in Barrels

According to an anonymous source who may or may not be a guy I met in line at a Wendy’s, O’Brien beat out other frontrunners including Danny DeVito, a malfunctioning DK AI bot, and an actual gorilla with SAG eligibility. The choice, Nintendo says, brings “gravitational awkwardness and lanky rage” to the character—a bold new direction for a franchise historically carried by grunts and banana hoarding.

“He really tapped into DK’s emotional core,” said one dev, wiping away a single tear. “The way he screams ‘BANANAAAA!’ with the desperation of a man who’s lost three marriages and a lucrative tv deal? You feel it.”

Gameplay or Therapy Session?

Leaked footage shows DK doing interpretive dance numbers on mountaintops while delivering monologues about fatherhood and the decline of cable television. It’s all very God of War meets Jungle Beat, if Kratos also had a podcast about pop culture.

Fans are… confused. One Reddit user wrote, “I wanted Donkey Kong to punch crocodiles, not unpack generational trauma.” Another simply posted, “This is peak gaming. Fans just don’t want to admit it.”

The Future of the Franchise Is Tall, Pale, and Ginger

With Conan’s casting, it’s clear Nintendo isn’t just swinging for the fences, they’re climbing the scaffolding and yeeting barrels at your expectations. Whether Donkey Kong Bananza becomes the next Super Mario Odyssey or the Balan Wonderworld of gaming remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: somewhere out there, Seth Rogen is smashing his bongos in pure hatred.

Is Conan a good choice? The clueless gamer seems locked in. Please don’t share your opinion with us below.